Posts Tagged ‘ chinese ’

A Series of Unfortunate Medical Tests (Part 1)

Good day, all my faithful readers! (Probably all two of you) I am so sorry I have not been updating at all, but due to the high pressures of exam and cramming, the mad rush of packing, and my general laziness, this blog has been basically left stagnant. My apologies, and I shall try to update more often….though why you people want to know about my boring life I’ll never understand.

So, since I last updated, I finished 4 exams and I arrived back in the country of Singapore. For those of you who do not know what Singapore is, let me explain. It is a tiny island just above the equator, it’s really hot and humid, and apparently has a nice airport with free internet. That last one was from my friend, who told everyone to go to Singapore because of the free internet. Figures.

Anyway, I had to return to Singapore for a fortnight because of something called National Service, which in other words is akin to the old ‘gang-pressing’ methods of the 19th century, where unsuspecting people would be coshed and wake up on a ship somewhere in the Atlantic, forced into service. Today, the government uses legislation and the police, but you can see the similarities. The problem is that their victims of choice are not hardy soldiers rising up to fight the forces of evil:

But instead are more like these:

Though I have to admit, if we ever face The Covenant, the Singaporean Army would kick their butts.

Moving on now, I had to report to an undisclosed location for a medical checkup and other stuff. So, let me bring you the deets with a play-by-play analysis:

Station 1: Photo Taking.

Okay, first of all, there was a really old Chinese guy giving us instructions. He went on to measure our head and waist and shoe size, and then give us a long talk about how to take our photos properly. His soft, soothing voice put me to sleep immediately.

Kids, you know how people tell you to pay attention in class or you might miss out something? Well, that happened to me. Apparently I “didn’t style my hair right”, and he sent me back 3 freakin’ times! And then, when I still didn’t do it right, instead of kindly telling me where I went wrong, he used me as a model for the next bunch! He even practically poured water upon my head to style it. So, after that, I kindly told him where to painfully put his camera and tripod in his rear and walked out.

Station 2: Computer Check

While I hoped for a James Bond-esque style computer entry software that scanned my fingerprints and retina before burning a binary ID tattoo upon my palm, instead I had to update my personal details on Windows XP and IE6. Who even uses IE6 anymore?

Station 3: Urine Test

Not gonna get into much detail here…..but let’s just say that the guy in charge was oddly excitable and jocular for someone in that capacity. Hmm…..

Station 4: Blood Test

Apparently they haven’t got Edward Cullen to do these yet. At least then he can use his powers for good instead of harrassing poor little teenage girls and pubescent werewolves with anger problems.

This guy has harassed us for far too long. Who’s with me?

Sorry, where were we? I got blood drawn out of me by a young guy that looked like he was still in med school. What scared me more was that he wasn’t even concentrating, but rather he was talking to the other male nurse (heh heh…male nurse) throughout. But since I’m not dead yet, it must have been okay.

After that, I got shown over to a older guy and was asked to complete….wait for it…a survey! I swear, only in Singapore will this happen. Even when I was doing it, the older guy was making jokes aboout how he was going to get fired (aptly acted out with an “Oh no, I’m drowning” gesture) everytime I marked ‘Dissatisfied’. So, just for him, I marked most of them as ‘SLIGHTLY Dissatisfied’. Aren’t I nice?

Station 5: Hearing Test

Basically, this station involved a soundproof chamber and someone outside playing high-pitched sounds. If you could hear them, you raised your hand, and so on. It was pretty straightforward. I did consider stuffing around by putting my hand up randomly when the girl outside preferred to talk on the phone rather than start my test, but I’m too nice.

***

And….that’s it. Nah, just kidding. I’ll give you the rest soon, since this post is getting waaay too long.

One more thing: Does anybody know what an ‘Enlarged Aortic Valve’ is? I read it on someone’s chart and I got curious. What is it? Is it deadly? What are the consequences? Will that person die? Or is he just even more awesome?

Alright, I’m gonna go off and smell the fresh air (coloured with a dash of burning insense), look at the stars (which haven’t been seen since the start of the 20th century thanks to the pollution) and eat some delicious food. Though I might style my hair properly too as well. I don’t want a slightly feminine Chinese man with a camera using me as a model again….

If you have any questions, remarks, or insults, remember to leave a comment!

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Why Brothers Bother, Haircuts Take Time, and Cameras Hurt

Well, another day has went by, and my exciting life just seems to go on. Despite the lack of anything actually news-worthy (like the healthcare bill – who cares?), there are a few interesting happenings that have…..err….happened. So, let’s see……

I woke up raring to go – I had to be at Hillsong Brisbane by 10.30, as I’m in the Production Team (I know, cool, right?). So, as previously arranged, I would catch a lift with my brother. Sounds nice? Not really. I was ready to go by 9.50 ( Yes, yes, eager beaver) – But my brother wasn’t. And he was determined to make me wait.

Sluggishly, he took his shower, got dressed, and so on. Then, he made breakfast. Nope, it wasn’t his usual choice (yogurt….or nothing…), but he decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich. And while it simmered and grilled, he drank some juice, just taking in the beauty of the kitchen. While he cooked and ate, I was trying to get him to go, or I would be late. But being the older (and stronger) brother, he took his time and enjoyed the cheese. “We’ll be there on time!” he said, munching on wholemeal.

Was making a grilled cheese sandwich really worth jeopardising my punctuality? Though, that sandwich DOES look good…..

There is one thing about my brother, he’s always right. No matter what the scenario, he always turns out right. Ever since he successfully predicted the way the ball would go from the penalty spot in Xbox Soccer (for the record, he has about 189 straight victories against me), and then predict that Australia would beat Uruguay in the 2006 Wold Cup Qualifier (I lost $4 in a bet because of that), my brother has continued to remain correct in all respects. And when we arrived at Hillsong at 10.30 exactly, he turned out right again. Annoying.

Moving on, I walked into the video team office, only to discover that I was on Camera 3 today. Now, Camera 3 was a roving camera; one that was situated on stage and had to be carried around for shots. When I heard the news, I nearly had a heart attack, for 2 reasons:

  1. I had never done Camera 3 before, and I had no idea what to do.
  2. Did I mention that I had never done Camera 3 before, and had no idea what to do?

Camera 3 required a lot of creativity in shot taking, invisibility in roving, and toughness in carrying the heavy camera around on your shoulder. Now, while I can be inconspicuous, the fact that I was on stage didn’t really help. Neither did my white sneakers – they would show up like a signal flare. Creativity is also another big zero for me, as anyone should know just my reading my blog. And as for toughness, forget it. I could barely carry the weight of my emotions, let alone a camera.

But surprisingly, it didn’t turn out too badly. I was able to pretend that I had some talent and take “oh-so-cool” shots of the keyboard, the electric guitar, and the choir. Keyboard, Guitar, Choir. Whoever said creativity was needed had to be joking – no one noticed that I barely moved from my spot, and got the same three shots over and over again.

Though my shoulder still hurts now. Ouch.

So THAT’S why South Sydney Rabbitohs’ Craig Wing’s shoulder hurt – he carried around a camera all day!

After THAT, I went for a common torture usually devised for little kids – the haircut. Yes, I went willingly to lop off my locks and fringe. While I personally didn’t think that my hair was long, my mum insisted otherwise. I think it was the fact that I started wearing animal skins and carrying a spear decided it for her.

Yep, that’s me. Cool, huh?

Haircuts are like doctor’s appointments. You have to wait for ages in a designated area with weird people and screaming children, and then you have a horrific experience that makes you swear never to go back. In fact, it’s almost exactly the same. Except for the lollipop at the end.

My haircut was slightly different. I had it in Sunnybank, an area where there is a lot of Chinese-speaking people. Thus, the hairdresser was Chinese. Unfortunately, my command of Chinese is about as good as that of my friend’s command of grammar and spelling when on MSN – almost non-existent. Ever tried to ask for a haircut and its style, and then do small talk, in broken Chinese? One word: Awkward.

That was where my brother came in. While his Chinese is only slightly better than mine, his Chinese IS still better than mine. And, he knows fashion. That guy can wake up ready for a fashion shoot. So, I let him tell the hairdresser how short to cut it. And boy, it was short. I was almost afraid people would need a magnifying glass to see it. But after applying hair gel and spray, it looked good.

So, what have we learned today?

  1. My brother is always right. Always. It’s really annoying, I know. But sometimes, the combination of three years more experience, intelligence, and “oh-so-suave” style can actually be quite helpful, and it can bring a fresh outlook on the world. Though when he says that he has a bridge to sell me in Sydney……
  2. Doing Roving Cameras on stage is very, very difficult. I have much more respect to those who did it at Toowoomba’s Australian Gospel Music Festival (AGMF; now Easterfest). And little cable-pullers that run away – watch out for them!
  3. Haircuts are awkward, especially if you can’t speak Chinese. The forced laughs, the confused looks…..man, I don’t want to go through that experience again. At least, until my hair grows out again. Hopefully, that won’t be for a long time.

So, all in all, not a bad Sunday. I might go for a grilled cheese sandwich now…..though, as my shoulder hurts so much, I might grill the camera instead…..

How did you spend YOUR day? Leave a comment and tell us about it!

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